Two 24-Hour Streams and My Socialization Issues

Next time before I announce that I’ll have a 24-hour stream, I’ll think about it first. 😀 Yep, it was hard! Especially from someone who has a regular bedtime or sleeping schedule. Sometimes, I just want to give myself a good push. 😀

Lezzdodizzz Bunch!

The first time I did a 24 hour stream is to celebrate 100 followers (who does that, right?) 😀 That was July 2015. I was almost 31 years old that time. I didn’t really have a hard time, didn’t have any issues at all. The last 20 minutes were the hardest. Because I feel like I will doze off any moment. And my emotions are flaring up. Meaning I am being so emotional. I think I reached 500 followers during that stream.

My 2nd 24-hour stream is way different than the 1st one. It was harder. I struggled. And made me asked myself, “why? Why Malaya?, Why do it again?”. I reached 2000 followers so I thought why not, I breezed through the last one why not do it again. I was not in good shape, health-wise. I know, reaching 100 and 2000 followers is not such a big deal. But for me who is a super, mega lame laid back streamer it is. It is kind of special. I stopped streaming for 7 months last year. I felt I let myself down and other people down. But not a lot of people know about my social anxiety (now, I guess people know). It is hard to detect as I am so outgoing in my streams. It did help me in some way to be more confident with myself as I am having issues with that.

The 2nd 24-hour stream is harder because I felt sooooo tired, my lower back was killing me and I wanted to eat a bunch of junk food but I did not as I am surrounded with healthy snacks. I don’t consider Arizona Iced Tea healthy, so I guess that’s a little splurge. 😀 I thought it’ll be easier the 2nd time around, but not. Could it be because I am older? 😀 Perhaps! Or is it because I developed a healthy sleeping routine?

Lesson learned: Will think it through first before I announce something. 😀 As someone has said, I think and talk fast.

Speaking of streaming, I have really cut down with my streaming days. As I have to focus more time on other things that matter for my age. Preparing for the future, as I call it. 😀 I never expected and intended to make it big on Twitch. I started streaming to get over a mental funk. Since we moved in the forest then moved a little bit out of the forest in “civilization” as I refer to it, I went through a stage of lonesomeness. I felt so isolated for the longest time. I lost confidence on myself, I already have social issues and being isolated for a loooong time didn’t help. The only person I talk to is Poni. And there are times when we’re not ok with each other. And then I have myself to talk to (I AM NOT CRAZY!) Since I got so used to being alone, I got also used to voicing out my thoughts even when I am alone. When I am playing The Sims, I’m like an interior designer decorating a house, saying out loud, “ooooh, this bed so nice, I’ll put it here” things like that. When I am cooking in the kitchen, it’s like I am on a cooking show.

My main reason for streaming is to have social interaction that is non-Poni in a way. 😀 Whatever I get from streaming (tips, games, etc.) is just a plus. What I really truly treasure and didn’t expect to happen at all is gaining friends and meeting genuine people that I will never cross paths with if I didn’t stream. In real life, I don’t have a lot of friends. I have very few friends in real life. I don’t want to use “in real life” because I consider these people like real friends, perhaps I will refer to it as non-flesh friends because I haven’t talked to them face to face. I have a brother and a sister and they have lots of friends, am I jealous, no I am sincerely not jealous that they have way more friends than I have. Friendships can be a lot of work as any relationship in this world. My parents were slightly worried about me not having enough friends. I just got so sick and tired of one-sided friendships.

One-Sided Friendship Checklist:

  • when they need something from you, you will hear from them
  • they always expect you to listen to them but when it’s your turn they don’t have time
  •  it’s all about them every time

I don’t need this kind of friends. You know the kind who will add you on Facebook and will just snoop about your living situation, marriage, how much money you make, and if you got fat and old and all that. And when they see you in person they won’t even say hi. Wow is all I can say. I went to my high school reunion last year and this shit happened.

So yeah, in comparison to the friends I met on Twitch who don’t judge, always ready to listen, they’re pretty much always there for one another. I like it. I may not always be there, but they’re always, always so warm towards me whenever I am there. This is the core group that is still growing. Then there are some who are not part of that but are just so truly nice to me, I enjoy talking to them and I will really see to it before I turn 40 to get to meet up with all of them in person. I will be 33 this year so I have 7 years to make this happen 😀 And I will make it happen!

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