Here’s Urban Dictionary’s definition of Beef – to have a grudge or start one with another person.
When we were in the Philippines the last time. Poni plays poker, in a poker place and sometimes I pick him up from there and then we go get some drinks. Because cocktails, are way cheaper in the Philippines than in Germany. And we enjoy the time, just talking and drinking. 🙂
One night, I picked him up, he told me:
Poni: you know what I just met a dude, also playing poker, he knows you and your family. Like, he knows everything how your dad looks like, you and your siblings, described perfectly.
M: Really? What’s his name?
Poni: I forgot, I don’t know if he told me his name or if I forgot
M: typical Poni
But I have a pretty sure feeling who the dude he met was. At first I was a little crept out. I described J (our bully), and asked if he looks like that. But Poni told me it was the opposite. One thing I remember about him, is he has pretty fair skin & some freckles, and Filipinos, like that. They find fair skinned people attractive. Something that they would refer to as “tisoy”. But Poni said, “nope, he’s is very tanned”. I cannot let it go, I have a good feeling that it’s that dude. For someone to know us so well, it must be someone who saw us as kids, growing up, and lived near us to be able to describe us precisely. Take note, the bullying was not brought up.
I asked Poni how they got to that point, that my family and I got brought up. Poni said, he asked me where do I stay here, I didn’t want to divulge too much, but then I said I stay at my wife’s family’s house. Then J put 2 and 2 together and there boom!
Poni was pretty aware of the bullying we went through, I told him about that, but he had no idea that he’s talking to the dude. I told him, next time you see him asked him, if his name is J. I got pretty hyped up, the fury I felt for them came back. The next day, I told my mom about it, and she had the same feeling but what makes us doubt that it’s not him, is the fact that Poni told us that he is very tanned. So that crept me out, it means there must be someone who is stalking my family. 😀 She told my dad about the story, and my dad was baffled too, but told him of my suspicions that it might be most likely J.
By the way, when I was talking to my mom about this, I was so in that level again, like it just happened yesterday. I don’t want to see that dude’s face again, the way he disrespected you, he never apologized personally. I cannot forget that and forgive him. My mom said, “Aya, that happened a long time ago, he must have changed, they were still immature, didn’t have proper guidance”. And I was like, I don’t care he was a jerk, and for me he’s still is.
So there, Poni have been hearing the bullying dilemma we had before, the rock throwing and all those stories again. Poni saw him again, and they have been talking and asked him if his name is J. How did you know? J asked. I told my wife about you and the first thing she said is, it was you. You are J. “Dude, you bullied my wife!” That’s what Poni said. Now, I can laugh about this. Poni said, that he’s nice, that he even invited him to watch a cockfight with him. That’s his thing. When they were still our neighbors he had some roosters for cockfighting.
Poni suggested, you should “squash the beef” with him. I don’t want to! I can hold a grudge…good. I hate this about myself, but I admit. For a person, as sentimental as I am, sometimes it’s hard not to hold on a grudge. I was thinking, how would I feel or how would I react if I see him. He did less bullying than his brother B. But he did call me Nadia Comaneci and he was the one who threw a bunch of big rocks at our house. But I feel more upset at him, because he disrespected my mom, and for me anyone who will do that to my mom, I will hate for a long time.
Our last night out in the Philippines, I picked up Poni from the poker place. And I usually, just go straight where Poni is, I have a bit of social anxiety in a way, I don’t like people looking at me. So, there I was inside waiting for Poni and then he’s finished playing, and he said J is here. Did you see him? Nope, good thing. He must be somewhere outside, Poni said. I don’t want to see him, let’s go!, that’s what I said.
Come on, it’s a good time to “squash the beef”!- Poni 2016
I was not prepared for this. We went outside to go get a drink somewhere, and there he was. J.
I smiled from ear to ear trying to hide the awkwardness that I feel. Poni, was definitely smiling from ear to ear too because he’s too excited for us to “squash the beef”
So we talked, and I didn’t feel any anger anymore, it actually felt good. We talked, and he apologized and he wanted me to say sorry to my mom for him. He said that he was young and really don’t know what he’s doing. We talked about his sister and brother and asked him about his girlfriend. She was really nice to me, I said and I found out that they broke up and she was “the one that got away”. 😀 But now he’s single and he has 3 kids, and they live with him. He told me my husband is really nice, he’s different and that my dad is the nicest and kindest person that he have ever met. And I think he mentioned that it’ll be nice to get to talk to him again. He told my husband, that I didn’t change, that I still look so young and became prettier. (haha! :D) I can say that, the beef is now officially squashed and I don’t bear any grudges anymore 😀 I have to say, it was nice. I had closure.
Next day, I told my mom about it. But being the voice of reason as ever, I didn’t hear her say “ I told you so!”. My mom, said that was from the past, and most people change for the better.
I got to Facetime with my brother last month (he lives in Australia now), and I told him about what happened. And we just had a ball, laughing. It is something. After almost 2 decades, who would’ve thought that I’ll see one of them again.
Whenever I tell someone about this, it always feels like it just happened yesterday. I am furious when I look back. All in all it might have been silly, but bullying is something not to be taken lightly.
When J and I started talking, I didn’t feel any anger at all. Time do heal all wounds. 🙂
I learned 2 lessons from this: 1. try not to hold a grudge and 2. give people a 2nd chance because you never know what they are really going through.
Thanks for taking the time to read this! 🙂 This is pretty detailed and long. I could go into more intricate details, but for privacy reasons I have to tone it down a bit 😀